I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
