I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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