I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
