I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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