just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it because I queefed?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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