I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
