I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
