I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
