I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
