Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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