Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
