We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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