I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
