he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just found puke in my bra..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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