Best friends brother. Beat that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize