omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
