This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
