Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
