he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love having hate sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
