Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
