I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
