you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
