We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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