when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
