There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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