You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
