don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
