Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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