I accidentally had phone sex last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
