Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
