A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
