It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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