if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
