Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
