I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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