first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
