my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
