hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
