Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize