I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
