My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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