i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
