like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
