Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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