Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
