I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
