fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
