Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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