Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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