The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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