dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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