The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
