Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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