i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
