i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
