the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
