I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
