So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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