College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
