small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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