Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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