if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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