Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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