we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize