imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
