just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
