i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
