Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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