he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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