Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
