"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
