How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
