i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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