so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize