But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
