i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
