Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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