So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
