Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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