just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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