3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
