Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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