ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
