how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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