there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize