Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
