Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
