Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
