So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
