Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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