Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
