i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We have started to decorate penises.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pants are for mortals
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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