Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
