It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
