he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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