Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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