We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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