Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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