Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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