i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
