Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
