I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dick has a subreddit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
