I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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