Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize