I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
