So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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