and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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