hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This baby is an asshole
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
