Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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