Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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