it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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