my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
